Diary of Anamika Gupta

FAITH

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 02:27:13 +0530

December foggy morning, mercury falling down
Winds whispering around, making clouds frown

Life is partly visible through my window,
Me half awake in bed, yet to see her glow.

I turned myself to other side and hands try to find,
Smile in my closed eyes but just a pillow aside

Suddenly I realised, you were never beside
Though far, you are always in my mind.

You are looking from the rectangular frame,
Picking it up, I slowly call your name.

Feeling your presence every now and then
You make me walk down the memory lane

From your loud laugh to our crazy fights
Every hangout and dinner with candle light

Every time I want to say so much
Words won't be enough felt as such

So I close my eyes and wish you were here
Remembered the good times, we had shared

From corner of my eye, a small drop rolls down
I read your note again to feel that you are around.

"Listen to my heart beat within your�s, dear
Feel me inside and you will be aware,
Even though,I have gone but my love is everywhere!"

One more reason for me to survive
Sometimes words keep our faith alive.

what I can say.. part 3

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 18:40:16 +0530

I speak.....
Raghav and I were together for really long time now... means when I joined this company as a fresher and really liked working along with his team but i had this feeling that this is not really i desire from my professional career and so I decided to make a shift ....ya I was thinking to going abroad.
I had couple of offers from good university and I got just confirmation from the one in Europe.It was my dream univ and I wanted to really shape my career.Today itself , I wanted to surprise him for this news but before that he made me more surprised.Well, I love Raghav but I really cant say about marraige now ...I have my prirorities and my responsibilties towards my family and but now I have to say about....am not ready for marrige at this moment.

Thoughts were in process and I was just keeping myself still smiling but How can i say him.... ??
Is this the right time to speak out my heart or shud I really think abt my career ...or just let it go?

Raghav was still waiting for me ....he was quite egar what is that really making me think.. and would like to talk about......

" So tell me ....what is it about.....and wht you wannna talk..... arent u happy about all this.??"
I was really confused now.....cant really find the words.... I replied, " Well, no it is not like that, I am really happy about what u hv mentioned..... since i hv really not thought about this so ....I was quite shocked ...thats it...this will come sooo soon... just surprised..!"

" Oh... U scared me....I thought it was something that u werent positive and i was feeling terrible for the moment..... Silly girl... !!" He just hugged me.... and made me comfortable again my his warm gesture ...I was speechless.... I really didint want to hurt him at that moment.....

Well, but atleast I can tell him about the good news....so I opened my hand bag and took out the prinout of the email from the university...he was wondering..wheather I am hungry and looking for choclates...to share.
" Hey, check this out... I hv some news for you...." He took the paper from my hand ...and he started reading it in the dimlight falling on those scripts. I was waiting for his reaction at this stage....

" Wow.... Congrats Sweetheart!! This is amazing..... I never thought you will surprise me like this... but y did u never mentioned regarding this before....?? I thought you are applying for higher studies but in India only.....this is really soo good... this goes for celebration.!!

After hearing those lines.... I was really happy about it....but now shud still he is again serious about marraige issuee....... means.. what I can say..now???

What I can say.....Part 2

Tue, 11 Dec 2007 21:52:37 +0530

It was almost evening and i was curiously waiting, gone far from the memory lane I just made a comback .. thanks to my Mobile phone.. Its was Raghav..."Hey u still there....i am sorry.. keep u waiting.."
I replied.. " No problem....but where r u ?"
" Please turn ..around...." I disconnected the phone and just looked back.
I was quite surprised to see him with bunch of roses.....my eyes smiled and I was really not sure wht was coming....
" Hey y did u made a phone call...when u were just around...?"
"Just to check your mood", smilingly he replied...
I was like.... " Oh... Oh..... whts up?"

He handed over me the roses and started telling me that there is something very important to dicuss..
Last night , he talked to his mom and he told about me and his mom wanted to meet me and fixed our marrige date. He was quite excited to tell me all this... and I was listening very patiently, observing his enthusiasm in each and every word.

Well, I was quite silent.... I dont know why ...but still this was quite HUGE for me...I mean..I was happy still something was going on into my heart and lots of questions folowing into my head.

I said, " Raghav, I am glad to hear all this.....but I have something to talk about here.."
My reply made him ...struck like everything was stoppped for a moment.
Well, I have to be very practical about this and I have to be very clear....so I just have to make my point clear....till it goes very far.

What I can say....- Part 1

Thu, 29 Nov 2007 21:02:04 +0530

I never thought...Sunsets can be always so lovely .. sitting beside the lake i was watching .. drowning down like a melting orange in a icy water...I was still waiting for him..he was always late ...I didnt mean to fill lakes by small pebbles that i was continously throwing from past one hour.
I just got remembered of small memories that we had spent in last few years. I never thought I will be love with such a person whom i use to neglect and always find myself telling him i will never fall in love with him. But things happen and surprisingly u never notice what went wrong.. i mean RIGHT here.. that i started liking this person.

Working along on the project I met Raghav,software engineer and a group leader. He had this strong attitude and style where I was impressed but the same time I didnt like the bossy look on his young face. I was like, ok if you are a group leader we have to work accordingly wht he suggest but I was always like crossing him and our long discussion on project works landed up in Coffee house with some arguments and then patch up on phone calls and small meetings and here we are talking about OUR lives under the same roof. well, I use to neglect him for certain reasons but those reasons made me realise how wrong i was about him. Beside the bossy look there was a honest, sweet and a smiling person who use to make me comfortable in every possible way and thats it , I was in love.

He was soo shy that he was scraed to say that he likes me and thanks to my BOLD nature which made things more cleared and made him say that HE LOVES ME. heheh it was really funny when i asked him that wont you love me and the ex-pression on his face was like AM I SUPOSSE TO JUSTIFY. But he just looked into my eyes and taking my hand into his he smiled and I got my answer. sometimes i just love the way he express his feelings.. means we just dont need words.

Today he called me up and said he wanted to talk to me important and now I am here waiting near our regular meeting spot. I am just wondering what he wanna say to me.... lets see... i am still waiting and hopefully he arrives soon....

Fights are meant for......

Mon, 16 Oct 2006 03:12:15 +0530

Fights are meant to find� some space in between love time...
How u can expect that everything will always be fine..

When she is angry its his duty to cheer her up..
Talk about the stars that are along with the coffee cup..

When he is angry its her chance to make him smile...
With naughty talks n small jokes for a while...

Fights are not meant for long time...
But to add spice in your love life...

When its her turn to say sorry and him to forgive..
With a warm smile n gentle hug from him to receive..

Life moves ahead..with sweet memories..
Treasured them in form of short stories....

Love story.......

Sat, 16 Sep 2006 03:48:47 +0530

It was a lovely December morning in the hottest city in the world. All right, so that was a little unfair. Chennai is not the hottest city in the world. But it certainly is the city with the most uncomfortable weather among the cities that I have lived in. And I've been around. ButI digress.

I was in the company bus on my way to work, as usual trying to catch up with my sleep. On this particular day, a girl got on the bus, came to my seat and sat down. "Good Morning," she said. I looked back at herthrough half closed eyes, replied "Good Night," and then proceeded to return to my half hour nap before the bus reached the office.

Unfortunately, I was woken up by a punch in the arm. "Wake up, bozo!" She was looking at me with a big smile on her face.
"I'm not sitting next to you to listen to you snore."
Half-heartedly, I opened my eyes and turned to her. "What's up?" I
asked. Preeti Mehra was tall, good-looking and slightly tomboyish. She was also my best buddy. "Come on," she said. "Don't look so disappointed. You'd rather sleep than talk to me?"

"I talk to you everyday, Preeti."

"You also sleep everyday."

"It's not enough."

"So you've had enough of talking to me, eh?"

You can't argue with a statement like that, so I had to give up. I grinned and said, "OK, sweetheart. What's on your mind?"
"I wanted to tell you what happened yesterday. Can you guess?"
"Anurag called you last night."
"How did you know?" She was stunned.
"Oh, he asked me for your number yesterday."
"And you gave it to him?"
"What else could I do? And stop complaining. You've been drooling over him for weeks now. He must have thought he had a chance."

Preeti was the kind of girl who would openly ogle at every other guy she saw. And yet, she would not respond to any advances of a romantic nature. She'd happily join a group of boys to go to a cricket match, but if asked out to a movie, dinner, or even coffee, she'd never say yes.She defined 'Hard-To-Get'.
"You like putting me in these situations, don't you?" she said.
"No. That's not true. I love putting you in these situations!"
That invited another punch in the arm. I had known Preeti for a year. We'd tell each other about our joys and our sorrows, our victories and our defeats. I'd tell her about all my crushes and she'd scold me for being silly. She'd drag me to classical music concerts and I'd add them to the list of things she 'owed me' for.
And though I never let it show, I must say that she punched pretty hard.

~*~

It was 12:00 am and my phone was ringing. "Hello," I said, as I picked it up. "Happy Birthday!" It was she.

>

> "You're supposed to throw me a surprise party, sweetheart. Not just call to say Happy Birthday."
"Well then open your door, dumbo!"
So I did and found her, cell-phone in hand, at my doorstep -- with what seemed like half the population of my company. My roommates were supposed to be working late that night. Now I knew why.

I blew a lot of candles (seemed like much more than 25), cut my cake,got kicked in the behind, and got painted with the cake's icing. If Preeti had had her way, she'd probably have preferred to use a paintbrush and a can of paint. But I bribed her with a copy of the book "Lord of the Rings".

She'd borrowed it from me three times already. I thought it was about time I gave her a copy for herself.
We chatted for an hour after everyone had gone. "I think it's time I left," she said finally, trying to stifle a yawn. I nodded. I dropped her home in my roommate's car. As she was getting out of the car, I stopped her.
"Hey, Preeti."
"What?"
"Thanks."
"Hey, don't get senti on me now!" she smiled. "Are you trying to worm out of that gift you promised me?"
"You know, it's interesting how I'm getting you a gift on my birthday."
"That's just because you're stupid," she grinned. "And you better get me that book, or I won't return your copy."
"Hey, that copy was a gift to me from my dear friend Preeti Mehra. I can't let you keep that."
She wasn't falling for that. "Your dear friend? And what about me? Am I not dear to you?"
"Very smart. That won't work with me. I'm not one of your Love Crazy suitors. Why do you need the book anyway? You've read it umpteen times already."
"That is besides the point. You are getting me the book. We both know that." She smiled that wide confident smile of hers. "Good night." And she got out of the car.
I sat there for some time, just thinking. Our conversations were
always like this - a little joking, a little teasing and a lot of demanding. But somehow, I felt that something had changed since the moment she had turned up at my door that night. I was still in my reverie when a paper ball landed on the windshield. I craned my neck out of the window and looked up.
She was standing in her balcony.
"What are you still doing there?" she whispered loudly.
"Waiting for you to start a paper-ball fight," I whispered back.
"We can do that tomorrow. Go home now. It's way past your bedtime!"
"Ok, mommy," I grinned back. "I'm going home now!"

~*~

I'm an extravagant gift-giver, and it is definitely going to be my
downfall some day. I made her wait for it, but finally bought her the book. That, and half-a-dozen other omnibus collections of various authors, including a copy each of `The Complete Works of Shakespeare' and `The Complete Short Stories of Charles Dickens'. All I got for it was an "I told you so."

I started spending a lot of time at her place after that. Mostly because I wanted to read all those books, and she wouldn't lend them to me.
"I'm not as stupid as you, ape-man. I'm not falling into the same trap I laid for you. Plus, you dog-ear your books. You're not doing that to these masterpieces. So if you want to read them, you read them here. And if you want to mark your place, use a bookmark."
So that's what I did. She'd even make me wash my hands before I touched the books. It was as if they were sacred.
"Need I remind you that it was me that bought you the books in the first place? For my birthday!"

"So? They're mine now."

"Well, then. I've been meaning to ask you this for a long time. Where exactly is my birthday gift?"

"It was in your tummy at one point of time. It's probably been washed into the sea by now."

"Huh?"
"Remember the cake I baked you on your birthday?"
"You what? You can't bake cakes!" That was a mistake. She looked hurt.

"You baked me a cake?" She didn't say a word. She just shrugged.
I was stunned. "But you never told me."
"You didn't ask." That was typical of her...

"It was fantastic! And you wasted most of the icing on me!"

"The cake was for you, dumbo."
"How long did it take you to make the whole thing?" It had been a
two-layered vanilla-chocolate cake with three flavors of very creamy icing.

She had done all that!
"Well, the chocolate cake took an hour and fifteen minutes, and so did the vanilla. Then cutting them up and putting them together took another 15 minutes. Each flavor of icing took 20 minutes for preparation, and then putting it on the cake took another half hour. Cleaning up the mess took an hour."

She seldom claimed the credit for anything, but once she started
bragging, there was no stopping her. However, I wasn't thinking about that right then.
"You spent over five hours on that cake?"
"A little over four hours preparing it, and an hour cleaning up. Yes."
I was speechless. I didn't know how to react. She hated cooking.
"I forgot to mention," she continued, "the hours I spent the week before that, practicing. Even the birds wouldn't touch the first three cakes!" I couldn't help but ask. "Why?"
"Because the first one got burnt, the second one was only half cooked,and in the third one, I forgot to add sugar."
It was just like her, to try to divert the conversation. "I mean why did you spend so much time on baking me a cake?"
She looked at me like I'd asked her why the sun rises in the east. "For your birthday, stupid. Of course, I also wanted to beat every gift you've ever got me. Try beating this one." She was grinning like she'd won the world championship.
As far as I was concerned, she had. I'd never spent a week making her anything. I'd never even spent an hour making her anything. Getting her a gift normally involved me taking her to the store, letting her choose and use my credit card. Suddenly, I felt cheap. "Thanks," was the only thing I could say. "Thanks a lot."
"Hey. Are you getting senti on me again?"
I was.

~*~

I was still mulling over my feelings for Preeti the next day at work when my boss asked to speak to me.I went over to his cabin and he started with the usual greetings, asking how work was going and whether I was comfortable. He then told me that the company wanted to send me to New York for a couple of years. Normally, this wouldn't have made much of a difference to me. I could
work anywhere and didn't have too much love for visiting places foreign. But right then, the first thought that came to me was that I'd be away from Preeti for two whole years. Twenty-four hours before, I'd have been disappointed to lose her company. But right then, I was devastated. That was when I knew I was in love with her. I'd had crushes before. Lots of them. But this was different.
"Do you have any problem in going?" my boss asked, since I hadn't
responded.
"Not really," I replied. What else could I say? That I was in love, and couldn't bear the separation?
"When do I have to leave?"
I had a month.

~*~

"Wow! New York! Great! I've heard it's a fantastic city! Did you know it snows there in winter?" Preeti was obviously very excited about my going. She didn't seem to share my disappointment on what I now saw as 'separation'.
I had not decided then if I was going to tell her how I felt. We'd know each other for a little over a year, and we were very close, but beyond some mild flirting, the relationship had never got even close to romantic. That was, of course, until I found out she had spent a week baking me a cake. It's funny how small things seem to make such a big difference.
"What happened?" she asked. "You don't seem very happy."
"Oh," I replied, "it's just that it's so sudden, that's all. And you know I was never all that interested in going to America."
"What an idiot. Go see the place. I've heard the women there are amazingly beautiful." She had a sly smile on her face. I wanted to tell her I didn't care if I laid my eyes on another woman again, if she wasn't with me. But I didn't.
I realized that I only had another month with her. She'd rejected every guy who'd asked her out ever since I'd known her. I didn't want the same to happen to me, and I didn't want to make it awkward between us. I didn't want to risk that month. I wanted it to be the best time I had ever spent with her. After I came back from the US, I might not even get to meet her again. Two years was a long time.
We ate out almost every night. We visited some of the best restaurants in the city. She also helped me shop for warm clothes, formalwear,shoes, toothpaste and a million things I'd never have thought of on my own.
"You need to buy a nail-cutter." My roommates and I shared one.

"I've prepared a list of must-have medicines that you should carry."
"Your iron won't work in the US. No point buying one here as you need one that works at a hundred and ten volts and has flat pins. You can buy one at a K-Mart or Wal-Mart as soon as you get there."
"You need at least two pairs of formal shoes and at least ten pairs of dark socks. The East Coast has a formal dress code. And you won't do yourlaundry more than once a week or two."
"How many ties do you have? And which trousers do your blazers go with?"

"Better get a haircut before you leave from here. Knowing you, you'll postpone the first haircut for too long."

She'd call me up at one in the morning to tell me to add 'one more item' to my list.And with every passing day, I was falling more deeply in love with her.The month swept by quickly. The day I was supposed to leave, I asked her to come with me to the airport. "Of course, dumbo. You think I'd let you go just like that, or what?"
After packing my bags for me and checking the lists for the hundredth time, she finally pronounced me "Good to go."
We reached the airport four hours early to beat the rush, because it was an international flight. She got a visitor's pass to sit in the waiting area while I went ahead and checked-in my bags. Preeti had got a spring balance from somewhere and so we knew my bags were well within the weight limit. I finished the formalities and came to sit with her. We had only a few hours before I had to go for my security-check. We decided to get something to eat at the food court. And all the time, the one thing that was going through my head was that, after this, I wouldn't see her for at least another two years.
"Hey, Champ. Why so glum?" She saved 'Champ' for special days. Normally,it was just 'dumbo', 'bozo', 'ape-man', 'matchstick man', 'weirdo', or if she was very irritated with me, 'nutcase'.
"I don't want to go," I said.
"I don't want you to go either."
"No, you don't understand." I couldn't hold it in any longer. "I can't stand the thought of living without you by my side."

She stared at me. There was a strange look in her eyes. I couldn't
read it.
"I am madly in love with you, Preeti."
At this, a sound escaped her lips that sounded like a cross between a sob and a laugh. "Well, dumbo, you've picked an absolutely fabulous time to tell me about it!"

A tear escaped her eyes. It was all I could do to stop myself from

wiping it off her cheeks.

"How long have you felt this way?" She seemed amused, though she was definitely crying. I didn't know what to make of it.
"From the day I found out you had baked me a cake."

She laughed. "That's all it took? Well, bozo, I guess a way to a man's heart is certainly through his stomach! Hold it. A month? You waited a month? You were the one who kept saying that if you really liked a girl you wouldn't waste a day in telling her!" She was smiling widely now.
It looked funny, with her eyes all wet.

"Well, I was confused. How did I know how you'd react? In fact, I
still don't understand your reaction. I thought it would change things between us. You've rejected every guy who ever proposed to you!"
"That's because I'm in love with you, you overgrown idiot!"

"What?" Somehow, I'd never expected her to say that. She was in love with me? "How long have you been in love with me?"

"Ever since the day you offered to carry my suitcase for me."

"But that was the first day I met you!"

"I guess I was always a sucker for chivalry."

"All this time you've been in love with me and you never said
anything!
Then you go and complain that I waited a month!"
"You guys are so bad at reading a girl's mind."
"You women are so good at keeping your thoughts a secret! Even Einstein couldn't figure you out."
"Einstein was a nerd. Casanova, on the other hand, understood us very well."

"I love you."
"I know."
That moment, my dear friends, was magic. I looked into her eyes and
took her hands in mine. Physical contact for us had been limited, until then,to a punch in the arm, a slap on the back of the head, or giving each other a 'high five'.

"You realize, don't you," she said, "that this is our first date?"
Leave it to her to notice the little things.

"I really don't want to go." I'd always maintained that love is a
bucketful of emotions. I wasn't exactly delighted to be proved right.
"Don't worry. I'm coming there in a couple of months."
"How? On a dependent visa?"
She laughed. "For that, I'll have to wait, won't I? I've got a project in New Jersey."
I couldn't believe my ears. "What? When did that happen? You never
even told me!"
"Well, I wasn't sure you'd propose before you left. And I couldn't
exactly sacrifice you to those New York women, could I? I had to watch out for myself. So I went on a project-hunting spree. There is an opportunity coming up for a project in about two months. Someone is coming back to India, so I'll be taking his place. They want me there for a little less than two years." She was beaming. "I realized I had struck gold!"
"And if I'd not told you how I felt? When were you planning on telling me about it?"

"Around a month before I reached there. I had to make it look natural.Or you'd think I was desperate."
"Well, you are desperate!" This was incredible. All I'd done in the
past month had been to mope around, listen to sad songs and write her letters that I never intended her to read. "You've been scheming all this while!

How come you didn't lay a trap for me a year ago?"
"I tried giving you hints, dumbo, but you just wouldn't pay
attention!"
She was laughing. "You're the only guy I ever spent any time with.
Wasn't that a big enough hint?"

That was true. She would happily join a group of boys to go to a
cricket match, but I now realized, only if I was one of them.

"What if I had rejected you?" I was extremely flattered that she'd been crazy about me for a year. My ego was swelling.
"You must be kidding!" she was clearly amused. "I get proposed to every few days. You are the one who's been rejected more times in the last year than I can count on two pairs of hands!"

She really knew how to burst my bubble.
"Hey," she said softly, "don't look so dejected. I said 'Yes', didn't I?"
I grinned. "Yes, you did. And you've made me a very happy man. But you know what would make me even happier?"

"What?"
"If you learn to cook as good as you bake cakes."
So she punched me in the arm again.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....so guys.. after reading such love story.. i would like to be in love......wht say?????

Relations.....

Fri, 15 Sep 2006 02:51:26 +0530

Relationships...I must say "Handel with care"..
and Friendship..i will say "Care n hands".. ya, when we meet somebody. .we give a shake hand.. and then .. u can sayhe is she my frnd.. its so...it starts.. give n take . care, attention all means of contacing each other and love... where it exist in heart ofeach one.

I would like to know... wheteher tell me who matters in ur life..just the realtives for the name sake or the realtions which are connected by heart..where there is no blood realtion.. though theer is something more.. beyond that.. ??/

Well.. would like to know.. ur views..

Freinds forever......!!

Sun, 10 Sep 2006 03:52:46 +0530

Freinds are meant to add colours to ur life and really... i belive that. Well, i realised the importance of freinds when i stayed outside and facing world which is totally different then wht it seems to us when we are safe and secured under the roof of ur house. Well, staying in hostel has added advantage where i got to know so many differnt people from all parts of country and they really became imp part of my life...!!

Well now the bonds with certain people has become so strong that even we are in differmnt countries some emotional treads had still connected to each other...in this busy schedules.Well, iwould say..ego shudnt be the part of frndship..as one shud never think before making a call to his or her frnd whether i m disturbing ..anyone or shud i wait for the call ...because u never know when someone is really waiting for ur call and somebody might need u.. !!

Well, life has to go on and so we.. move ahead with ur dreams and people who make mark in our life after our parents are FRIENDS..!!
I am very lucky to have such a nice buncjh of frnds around me..to be imp part of my life..and always ben there when i needed them....

i would just say.. Friends forever!!

Love or infactuation....

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 23:25:48 +0530

I know .. describing a beautiful love story isnt that easy.. but experincing it is more fanstastic !! I mean i m not in love but..one of my frnd who is recently discoverd that she is in love is something nice to know.

I would like to tell a short story where she discovered is the love or something else in her life.. might be just an infactuation...
well,my frnd i wouldnt like to discover her name here but I will refer as "SHE" and the person as "HE".

One fine day SHE is at my place and we are busying chatting with each other. Suddenly I get a call frn one of my good frnd. Fortunetly or unfortunetly i m busy doing some work and cant attend the phone so SHE picks up the call and talks to "HE"..the voice from other end.. sounds very good and but quite angry..it happened that HE thinks the frnd is online and started complaining abt the yesterday miss call..and suddendly he realised that somebody else is on the phone line..and SHE simply hangs up the phone by saying "Stupid"!and it all start frm the call.. Well,SHE realizes that its her mistake and she shouldnt have been rude so just makes a call to HE to applogies and then.. the calling session contnues.....

Well, after some months they are just talking on phone and havent seen each other though they started knowing each other so well.. all fights and good times are been shared on the phone...
Well, she has become a really good frnd of him.. but then we started teasing them.. well.. she denys that something is wrong with her..

Well she is busy thinking whether its a love or infactuation towards the person?? Well, i havent experienced that .. but people yopu can tell me ..wht do u think abt this matter...Would like to know your views...